I mentioned to a friend of mine that on January 1st I watched 'Tees Maar Khan', and he said 'Oh man! Not the right way to start the New Year'. Even as I agree with him on that point, a part of me tells me that if it inspires me to write about a movie, (well or otherwise is left to you judgment as always) it is a good start for the New Year.
I have a suspicion that the Loser (notice the L in capital) Shirish Kunder (who?) directed 'Tees Maar Khan' and knew that no one would care to watch the film if it were publicized as his film and hoodwinked his wife Farrah Khan to lend her name as the director of the film. After what we have seen of Farrah Khan in her past two outings we expect something light and entertaining from her and a fine departure, by the way, from the usual serious stuff that other women directors throw at us. And, she knows her Hindi Film History. I don’t imply for a minute that 'serious' is not entertaining, but it happens ever so frequently that women directors throw a lot of self-important, apparently intellectual stuff at us while Farrah on the other hand, throws joyous fluff at us. One thing the movie has definitely achieved is that anyone who victimises themselves into watching the film now knows the name and face of Shirish Kunder, thanks to the two being shoved down our throats at the beginning and the end of the film for about, say, 20 times. The fellow has credits in every department of the film and it is amusing and irritating - both at the same time - to watch the smug way in which he punches the air sideways while taking all those faux-Oscars during the end credits of the film. Watching the film makes one think if it is more his dream to win an Oscar than that of the character played by Akshaye Khanna. The only way to get something out of the film is to probably sit in the hall after getting sloshed-to-the-gills. The guy who sat a couple of seats away from me, reeking of alcohol for about a mile, was the only one laughing in the entire cinema hall (which was, by-the-way, houseful on Saturday, 01-Jan-2011) and he was so loud and boisterous that people were more amused by him than the film. I, personally, faced a conundrum. If there are people in the movie hall who disturb you with wailing babies in their arms or providing a running commentary to their friends, you can give a couple of dirty looks and try to silence them. How would you stop a person giving his 200 percent to the film distracting you from watching a film?
The movie would have been something entirely different if it were half as good as the opening and end credits - which were definitely a class apart. The whole film runs like a college-level skit taken seriously only by the participants and their friends that doesn’t deserve an airtime of more than 20 minutes. What would you say of a movie that has jokes that run in the lines of Manoj 'Day' Ramlan, Danny Doyle, Day Ho! and such - and then they being repeated many times over.
Of the performances, Arya Babbar I thought has an assured screen-presence. I hope we get to see him more often. Katrina Kaif, not to be confused with the good and deserving Mohamed Kaif, turns in a inspired performance making one wonder if she can be a comedienne of Marilyn Monroe proportions (though she has a long way to go if considered only in terms of ‘proportions’) as seen in 'Some Like it Hot'. 'Sheela Ki Jawani' not withstanding, she comes up with an absolutely over-the-top and entertaining performance as an aspiring actress. Probably implying my Marilyn Monroe suggestion, the film has a scene featuring Katrina that mirrors Monroe's immortal photo/scene from 'The Seven Year Itch'. Complimenting her in the over-the-topness - if that is the expression I want - is Akshaye Khanna in a maniacal turn. One wonders how the energetic actor that he is here was responsible for the dullest portions of 'Dil Chahta Hai' as the perpetually morose Sid. Here we have a versatile actor who is arguably the most underutilised star in Bollywood. Speaking of Akshay Kumar – Yawn! Haven’t we seen it all?
After the end credits rolled, I craned my head once to confirm if Shirish Kunder was the fellow sitting those couple of seats away from me - I am confident that he too would need a couple of drinks to endure what he Produced, Edited, Background Scored, Screenplayed and what not!
Rating: 2 out of 5 Stars
Hmm..interesting review. And why am I not surprised that you watched such a sh*&%y movie?! ;) I am not sure if I'd watch it, but I sure did enjoy the review :) Btw, Farah Khan's new spelling, Farrah Khan - is it a move to make her sound like Farrah Fawcett? ;-)
Posted by: Swarna | January 06, 2011 at 03:21 AM
This has been the most howlariously funny review I have read in a loooong time. Thanks, Arvind, now I don't have to watch the movie. Your review said it all. A very well written review.
Posted by: Deepali | January 06, 2011 at 10:57 AM
You saved my time by writing the review :)
Check site : http://bwcinema.com/ - for $3.99 we can watch 3days unlimited movies, it would be good deal sometimes in the weekend or long weekends.
Posted by: Anand Reddy | January 07, 2011 at 11:50 AM
Swarna: who is Farrah Fawcett? some kind of faucet? I didn't know the she changed her spelling. No amount of numerology and planet/constellation alignment is going to save the film.
Deepali: Thank you so much, Deepali. You always encourage me.
Anand Reddy: Thanks for the promo. I will check it out and see if there are any movies i am interested in.
Posted by: Arvind Swarup Pathiki | January 14, 2011 at 07:09 PM